hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
