So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
someone threw a dead crab at me
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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