No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
