we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
