i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
