im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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