I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
