I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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