so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
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