glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
