phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
