he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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