If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
