Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
