I'm eating all of the evidence.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
