Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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