i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
