I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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