so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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