I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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