"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Randomize
