turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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