I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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