First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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