we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
