i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
