Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
