oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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