I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
