i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
