After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
