I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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