I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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