I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
