so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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