Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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