Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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