Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
