jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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