I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You took a bar mat shot.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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