Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
