i think my tv is drunk
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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