I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Randomize
