I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
