My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
