well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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