I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Randomize
