I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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