i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
