butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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