he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
