you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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