i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
