dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
