Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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